Different Values & Standards...

How to remove any confusion over different values and standards when parenting with your Ex.

How many times have you heard "yeah but at dad's we're allowed to do...!"? If you've tried to get the Ex to have the same standards as you and it's not working, you'll know the frustration - and confusion - it causes for you and your children.

If you learn and use the techniques that I'm about to show you, you'll avoid your children being confused about the different values and standards between either home.

You'll avoid having to justify or convince them of your way.

You'll help your children avoid the panic feelings they have when they're confused about what to do next.

You'll avoid your children growing up believing that they can't get anything right because mom says one thing, and dad says the complete opposite.

You'll avoid your children switching off when they don't know how to cope with the confusion between their two homes.

Here's an interesting point to note...

Every time you contradict the opinions of your Ex, you cause confusion in your child's mind.

When I think about this I realise that we do this over so many things in life. Sometimes things as insignificant as how to stack the dishwasher, or what type of food to eat when, or what time to go to bed.

While each of these may have very good reasons, even scientific research to back it up, it doesn't help your child to really know what they should be doing.

It's hard sometimes to know why we value something the way we do, or even how we come to have the standards that we believe are right.

Let's take a brief look at the history of Values and Standards. For centuries it was believed that the sun revolved around the earth, and this was confirmed as a belief every day people watched the sunrise and sunset. It's interesting to see that even though we scientifically know this to no longer be true, we still call it 'sunrise' and 'sunset' because it appears to us exactly that while standing on earth. It rises and it sets from our perspective.

Bringing this down to using an example around the house - in your home you have very limited or no alcohol; your Ex is liberal with alcohol. Normally you resent the difference in standard and one reason you resent this may be for health reasons, or it could be you want your children to be free of alcohol issues later in life.

Whatever the reason, and it could be backed up with strong relevant scientific proof, your argument will not make any sense to your children if your Ex has relatively good health and no obvious life-debilitating consequences from drinking alcohol.

However, if your Ex does have significant life-debilitating consequences from the over use of alcohol, your children will see the consequences of those choices.

So just as we call it sunrise and sunset because we view the sun from the context of earth, your children learn through the perspective of context of choices and consequences.

Of course, this can be hard when you disagree with your Ex's values or standards. This is when you ask, how do you keep your standards and not contradict theirs? Instead of contradicting your Ex, what you need to do is add more knowledge to create a broader perspective for them. Zoom out as it were, so they can see the earth in context to the sun.

Here are the 3 action steps to avoid the confusion between two sets of values and get your children expanding their perspectives instead:

1. Lead by Example: this is most important because who you are being speaks volumes to your children.
2. Create a learning environment: this is where your children learn the 'how to think' instead of 'what' they should be thinking.
3. When you talk to your children, speak about the consequences of choices rather than what choices are right or wrong, and better or worse.

RIGHT NOW to make sure that you overcome any confusion inside your children's world invest in this valuable book "Parenting with the Ex Factor" where you will learn step by step how to create a learning environment for your children.

• You'll also learn how to move beyond the absolutes of right and wrong so it makes sense for your children.
• You'll learn to overcome the single biggest attitude that has caused more wars and heart-ache than any other on our planet ... and it's causing problems in your life too.

You can begin to learn how to have your children break free of the confusion and live a life full of passion and conviction for themselves. It's not too late, but start learning now.

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