Complex Family Blog
My Ex bought our children mobile phones even when I said 'No!'
This highlights the challenge when parenting with an Ex. The children will be delighted with their new toys, and for you to pour cold water on their enthusiasm is rather pitiful. You can share in their excitement and allow them to eagerly amuse themselves (as you might like to indulge yourself with such luxuries). Once you've passed through the initial glowing phase of newness, you can start to establish the boundaries (not blanket rules) for conduct in your home, and while out and about with you. Read More…
My children fall short of the Ex's high expectations; now what?
Holding expectations regarding your children is natural, yet they are often a source of great debate between those who have opinions about the raising of children. Expectations are not really the issue though; it is the attachment we hold to these expectations that is the issue. Read More…
How do I stop the gossip about me and my Ex?!
Part of what we go through when a relationship ends is acknowledging that it is not only about us and our children; it affects our family and friends as well. The demise of your relationship provides an opportunity for others to express their judgements about what could have, should have, or ought to have been. It is normal for your mixed emotions to be highlighted by the conversations or actions of others, especially when it comes from within your trusted and respected friendships. Read More…
My Ex Calls Our Kids Every Day ... It's So Invasive!
This is one of the most common irritations for both a Leaver and a Leavee - and sometimes also the children. Many parents have ended up fighting with their kids in an effort to make them talk on the phone to their other parent. Completely disinterested, the child reluctantly comes to the phone and leaves the phoning parent feeling a tad disappointed and disconnected. Read More…
To wish harm for your Ex is to wish ill for your child
Many people who live with the ongoing frustration of parenting with an Ex post separation, divorce, or some form of family breakdown, confess to wishing for circumstantial revenge to fall and have their Ex pay — and sometimes not so secretly. It's the one who laughs or celebrates someone else's misfortune, devoid of human compassion. Read More…
To speak ill of your Ex with your child says "I love you, but biologically you're 50% a jerk!"
Speaking poorly of your child's other parent is one of the largest issues overlooked by co-parents - and yet it is one of the easiest for you to resolve. The reasons (or should I say excuses) that it is acceptable to slag off about your Ex to your children are numerous and yet the confusion that it causes in their life is immeasurable. Read More…
The Kids are with Me or You - but not Her!
It's normal, it's real, and it's understandable ... so what's the answer? We all think it - and most of us say it when we share children with an Ex who has a new partner. The phrase 'the kids are with me or you - but not her' is equally valid when read "but not him" in place of her however 'her' just seems to be more common so for simplicity sake, I'll write with framing our stepmothers but this certainly does not exclude stepfathers. Read More…
Beyond Split & Broken - Complex Instead
Statistically, the effects of divorce on our society are difficult to prove although there are figures bandied around. What we do know is that some people go on and have far better lives and some don't. For majority however, we can say divorce carved its mark on our life and we live with it for the rest of our days - for better or worse. Read More…
Matrimony to Acrimony or Harmony?
The choice is yours ... this is how you make it. The importance of the choices you make when your marriage ends through which children were born into this world, becomes more apparent as time continues to march forward. Each step takes us down one of two pathways - acrimony or harmony. Read More…
Is your Ex poisoning your children against you?
It’s very common for a parent to hate their Ex so much when the relationship ends that your children hear nasty comments about their other parent almost daily. It’s also very common for your children to eventually start believing these comments and begin loathing you, even though they have not been given the opportunity to get to know you. Read More…
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