My Ex bought our children mobile phones even when I said 'No!'

This highlights the challenge when parenting with an Ex. The children will be delighted with their new toys, and for you to pour cold water on their enthusiasm is rather pitiful. You can share in their excitement and allow them to eagerly amuse themselves (as you might like to indulge yourself with such luxuries). Once you've passed through the initial glowing phase of newness, you can start to establish the boundaries (not blanket rules) for conduct in your home, and while out and about with you.

Rather than deal out rules, it's better to have conversations with your children about the impact these devices have on personal relationships; then you can agree about how it will be inside your home.

More often than not, this is a wake-up call for parents, as they begin to realise how they've been conducting themselves with their children. It's best to adjust parental behaviour before enforcing new standards upon the children - although doing it together will most likely allow for some humourous and gentle reminders to go both ways.

Adjusting to Shared Parenting - Rebuilding or Tweaking; How to Continue on...

Remember you have no control, nor should you, over what the rules are inside the Ex's home. Over time, you may influence this through your children's preferences, but it is beyond your jurisdiction to attempt to change happenings with the Ex. Instead, this is an opportunity for your children to embrace being in two contradictory environments and to begin to learn discernment - and it may take a long time.

Discernment is where wisdom is gained through experience. It is being able to clearly see the array of options available, while you, as an individual, feel empowered to make a choice for the Highest Good of All, rather than yourself alone. This is growth in maturity, and will evolve quite naturally when fostered.

The way your children will develop this is through understanding the differences in how they feel when living in the two environments. It is not to say that the Ex's way is wrong, or that yours is better; it is to have your children begin to distinguish between the feelings their choices create. Begin to have them identify the choices that encourage creativity, spontaneity, harmony, peace, laughter, freedom, and joy - and those choices that don't. When they are able to feel the effects of their own choices - made while in contrasting environments - you give them a true Learning environment where mature independence can grow.

So let go of your resistance to the objectionable intrusion of a mobile phone (or other technology) into your home, and embrace the opportunity to establish a new form of learning for yourself and your children. After all, when handled well, the mobile phone may just become an asset that can make your life easier.

Until next time, all the best on your parenting journey.

PS: If you've got questions, stories, or comments, I'd love to hear from you. Please post a comment below or email me.